Being a procrastinator with a violent fear of failure is almost hilarious because like 80% of the time I’m like “I’m not even going to think about this” and then there’s like a distinct moment when everything switches and it turns to “I can’t fail oh my god I need to turn this into an A in like a day why am I like this”
IF YOU EVER GET IN A FIGHT WITH YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER JUST BREATHE IN THE HELIUM OUT OF A BALLOON AND HAVE AN ARGUMENT AND THE FIRST ONE TO LAUGH LOSES
you just put every marriage counsellor out of business
moms are so temperamental you say one thing like “have you seen my hoodie” and theyre like your HOODIE??? YOUR HOODIE???? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY THINGS I HAVE TO DO EVERY DAY AND YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO KEEP TRACK OF YOUR HOODIE? NOBODY HELPS ME IN THIS HOUSE I DO EVERYTHING BY MYSELF AND NOBODY ASKS HOW I AM YOUR FATHER IS AN ALCOHOLIC
why the fuck are bra’s so expensive I just want to buy some fabric to support the two sacks of fat on my chest not two first class tickets to space jesus fucking christ
